Die Another Day
by mer solitare
Summary: Severus sings and dances. Hermione drools. And people wonder why Severus became a Potions Master...


Disclaimer: JK owns Sev and Herm. Madonna owns the song "Die Another Day'. I'm merely playing with 'em.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"YES!" Hermione Granger shrieked excitedly, dancing around her cauldron happily. From behind his desk Severus Snape jumped, accidentally blotting the essay he was grading. Damn, he thought. Now I'll have to rewrite all those derisive comments.  
  
Out loud he merely said, "And what are you so happy about?"  
  
Hermione looked up from her cauldron and hopped up and down excitedly; reminding him strangely of a kangaroo he had once seen at the zoo. "I finished it! My Anti-Imperio's done!" She squealed, quickly crossing the distance between herself and Severus, who she jumped on.  
  
He 'oofed' and quickly caught his chair before they both went ass-over- teakettle. Hermione giggled. "Sorry, bit happy."  
  
"It's alright, love. But have you tested it yet?" He asked.  
  
Hermione grinned sweetly. Too sweetly. Severus groaned. "I'm not testing it!"  
  
"Pretty please with chocolate ice-cream and sprinkles on top?" She begged, batting her eyelashes at him. "I'll do whatever you want."  
  
Severus stared at her incredulously. "You just batted your eyelashes at me."  
  
"Desperate times call for desperate measures." She replied breezily. As if proving a point, she lent down and nibbled his ear. "Please?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Please, please, please?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh, come on! Just this once?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Sev-e-rus! Test it for me and I'll do anything and everything you want for a week."  
  
Severus started to answer with a no but stopped to consider her offer. "Even go to the annual Candyland for me?"  
  
The Candyland was the annual mandatory staff meeting at the beginning the school year, during which Albus regaled them with usually long and pointless vacation stories involving different types of candy.  
  
Hermione groaned and muttered, "Fine. But only once. And you have to try the potion right now before you come up with a way to weasel your way out of it."  
  
"Agreed." With that, he grabbed her around the waist and stood up, gently placing her on her feet. Hermione practically skipped over to her cauldron and ladled some of it into a small vial, which she handed to Severus.  
  
He quickly swallowed it, hoping it had worked. He coughed at its sour taste and made a face at Hermione. "Urgh. Tastes abominable."  
  
Hermione merely grinned and pulled out her wand. She pointed it at him and said, "Um. sing a song. and make up a dance."  
  
Severus opened his mouth to tell her off. and, instead, sang, "I'm gonna wake up, yes and no."  
  
Hermione's eyes widened.  
  
Severus promptly clamped a hand over his mouth, fighting back the urge to break into song. She is paying for this, he thought.  
  
Then his leg twitched. Nonononono! I'm not going to do that!  
  
All of a sudden he jumped onto his desk, singing, "I'm gonna kiss some part of. I'm gonna keep this secret." He whirled around on top of the desk, sending his papers flying. He ignored them and merely tapped his foot to an imaginary beat, before moon walking backwards across his desk.  
  
Hermione had to lean against a nearby desk at that point.  
  
Severus ignored her and jumped off the desk with a flourish. "I'm gonna close my body now. I guess, I'll die another day."  
  
As if on cue he began to dance forward, ending up in front of her. Hermione backed up, quickly jumping onto her desk, sitting on top of it.  
  
"I'm gonna break the cycle." He continued, close enough to her she could feel his body heat. "I'm gonna shake up the system." He smiled seductively at her, leaning forward to brush his hand across her face.  
  
Hermione promptly melted into a puddle of goo. Damn, he can sing, she thought dazedly, leaning forward.  
  
Severus danced backwards, standing right outside her reach. "I'm gonna destroy my ego, I'm gonna close my body now."  
  
Hermione quickly wiped drool from her mouth. Severus smirked and shook his hair out of his eyes. He waved a hand toward a chair, quickly catching it when it zoomed toward him.  
  
He set it down with a thunk and straddled it, arms resting on the backrest. "I think I'll find another way. There's so much more to know. I guess I'll die another day, it's not my time to go."  
  
With a swift, fluid movement he kicked the chair out from beneath him, promptly jumping free of it. Again he jumped onto his desk, this time sitting on top of it, lazily singing, "I'm gonna avoid the cliché. I'm gonna suspend my senses.I'm gonna delay my pleasure."  
  
Hermione's mind went straight into the gutter at that point. "Oh, don't." She whimpered.  
  
I'm gonna close my body now." He said in return, sliding off the desk. "For every sin, I'll have to pay. I've come to work, I've come to play. I think I'll find another way, it's not my time to go."  
  
  
  
In a single movement he pulled his outer robes off, leaving himself in plain black pants and a white shirt. He slowly let them slide through his finger onto the floor. He glided forward and stopped in front of Hermione. She merely looked up at him hungrily. He just stared right back, not breaking their eye contact as he undid the top button of his shirt.  
  
"I'm gonna avoid the cliché, I'm gonna suspend my senses." Another button. "I'm gonna delay my pleasure." Hermione silently cursed button-down shirts as he worked his way down. "I'm gonna close my body now."  
  
With agonizing slowness he undid the last button, making Hermione's mind immediately shut down. "Yay." She mumbled before throwing herself at Severus, covering him with frenzied kisses.  
  
"I guess, I'll die another day." He whispered into Hermione's ear before kissing her back  
  
An hour later, Hermione sleepily mumbled, "Well. that didn't work out as expected."  
  
Severus chuckled and pulled his shirt back on, watching as Hermione drifted off to sleep on the cold stone floor. "Oh, but it did."  
  
He laughed evilly and stood up, scooping Hermione into his arms and carrying her into his bedroom. Gently he tucked her into bed and sauntered out of the room, whistling jauntily as he threw out Hermione's potion.  
  
"Guess that means more experiments."  
  
  
  
A/N Just alittle ficlet. I heard this other day while reading an H/S story and instantly thought of Sevvie singing this little number. ;) Hope you enjoyed it. 


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